The Ego:
I’ve been reading the journals of Kurt Cobain. Noting the
pitfalls and imperfections of a hero of mine enable me to emote and to relate
with him positively, rather than in the manner of hero worship.
Whilst acknowledging the possibility that I have a
perfectionist complex, I hold that most of my conflicts are not between
perfection and imperfection, but between Imitation and Innovation. Order is a
recent talent for me, and I feel a deep recrimination for those attitudes which
would mire my growth by casting me back into the depressing sloppiness of
adolescence. Being evolved enables me to see variables that others do not,
emanating from behind the veil which obscures the Forms.
I am not a neurotic. I am an Artist and a brother. As Rex
had affirmed, I am operating based upon something apart from the Western
dualism of Perfection and Imperfection altogether. I feel no indebtedness to the Christian conscience that had spawned this attitude.
The Shadow:
I take this back. It is merely a pompous defensive mechanism
to find security when I get cold feet and am afraid to cross the field of mines
my elders and betters have planted.
The Self:
Perhaps, while getting in touch with my imperfect side, I
should strive for perfectionism where it is artistically called-for.
Verdict:
I will not fake Imperfection in order that I may Belong to
Society! My path of Shadow-integration is mine own!
Dm.A.A.
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