All right. So let’s hammer one thing out now:
You are in no position to judge me.
As long as you have known me I have only ever done what I considered to be right. It’s no concern of mine what YOU consider to be right. I’ve spent an entire lifetime developing my values and the plans I need to actualize them. You never will find time enough to sway me from this course. You are but one man, out of all the people I’ve encountered.
When you meet me, you do not deal with one man, but with all of those people. It’s not as though I preclude the possibility of your own devotion to the people you have known. But neither do I see reason to surrender my own autonomy and integrity to someone who is totally a self-professed degenerate. You act first and rationalize later, and it is all ways done by blaming people for some thing wherein they were never in the WRONG to begin with. You have, in your profound arrogance, finally found a way to be at once infallible and all-powerful: moral relativism. Now NO one can judge of YOUR actions, even if you yourself feel them to be self-interested. Yet FAR from accommodating the autonomy of your peers in an easygoing manner you take every Absurd opportunity to condemn people for not living up to your standards. As though you’d ever had the ETHOS to judge of me! You would go so far as to tell me not to go into the WATER at the OCEAN. I suppose that you do not remember that I went into the water when you were intoxicated, the same day you’d crashed your car on meth, to keep you from DROWNING yourself. And it was no less of a spontaneous act. It was simply an act that was harmless and considerate, in both cases. It was no MORE spontaneous, either, than the conditions of my first meeting Alanna. And each set of circumstances was produced in total independence, and often defiance, of social expectations. I just simply never NEEDED the points of view of my peers as a point of reference; my own values were at once much too sophisticated and all so much too simple to require looking over my own shoulder. I was plainly a Shaman. And I’ve been consistently harmless.
YOU have NOT been harmless. We’ve all watched you fuck up your life and you had the nerve to TELL us what to DO as though we’d OWED IT TO YOU. The other half of your whole scheme, the first of which is to be totally unaccountable to others, is apparently to have all others be held accountable to you. It is of no concern to YOU whether it was simply RIGHT that I should go into the water, either to save your life or to celebrate mine, or whether or not it was RIGHT that I should be with Alanna. You only ever registered that it was some thing that YOU did not WANT. And far from noting my superiority to you in ethical dominion, over simply my OWN life, you tried to displace your own EGOISM onto me. I was made to feel suspect for my own clarity. And that is unpardonable. I was never self-interested; let’s get it straight that YOU were. So what fault you might find with me is your own. It is nothing but a function of your own self-interest, by your own admission. You venerate your own emotive preferences, and every thing that does not fall into the category of “what you want” falls under the category of “what you don’t want”, and far from acknowledging the categories of “right” and “wrong” you simply describe EVERY thing that falls under “what you don’t want” as “what others want”. And since you can’t accommodate all others, you flip out. But you are never in any position to condemn me, for far from acting out of “what I want” I simply do “what is RIGHT”. And I am at LIBERTY to do that without need to answer to your totally illusory authority. You’ve worked it out, in some sort of drug-induced delusion, that every one is out to compete with you, and in this paranoia you demand that they “balance out” their own debauchery by accommodating YOURS, for that seems “fair” (despite its being, were it so as you have suggested, a proliferation of degeneracy on both sides of the proverbial fence.). But all that you PROVE is that at the root of all your condemnation is an attempt to GET AWAY WITH every thing you do, by finding fault with people A PRIORI. You’ll never have the courage I did, either to break away from your peers, however wretched they may be, nor to go to the lengths I went to for a cause or for even a loved one. It was YOU that cheated on Bianca. Not the other way around.
I am not trying to bully you. When I began to write this I wondered why I should think to open it the way that I did. Then I recall your tone in text. And it daunts me that even as a capitalist you could so abuse my personal belongings, to say nothing of my personal connections with others. But then I am reminded that this was all ways how capitalists behaved. They don’t hold themselves accountable to a Higher Purpose or the dream of empathic SOLIDARITY with all beings, as in the Marxist or Buddhist vision. They simply do whatever the FUCK they can get away with, and they try to hold you in their DEBT irrespective of how well-intentioned, self-sacrificing, and COURAGEOUS are their victims.
You are in no position to judge me.
As long as you have known me I have only ever done what I considered to be right. It’s no concern of mine what YOU consider to be right. I’ve spent an entire lifetime developing my values and the plans I need to actualize them. You never will find time enough to sway me from this course. You are but one man, out of all the people I’ve encountered.
When you meet me, you do not deal with one man, but with all of those people. It’s not as though I preclude the possibility of your own devotion to the people you have known. But neither do I see reason to surrender my own autonomy and integrity to someone who is totally a self-professed degenerate. You act first and rationalize later, and it is all ways done by blaming people for some thing wherein they were never in the WRONG to begin with. You have, in your profound arrogance, finally found a way to be at once infallible and all-powerful: moral relativism. Now NO one can judge of YOUR actions, even if you yourself feel them to be self-interested. Yet FAR from accommodating the autonomy of your peers in an easygoing manner you take every Absurd opportunity to condemn people for not living up to your standards. As though you’d ever had the ETHOS to judge of me! You would go so far as to tell me not to go into the WATER at the OCEAN. I suppose that you do not remember that I went into the water when you were intoxicated, the same day you’d crashed your car on meth, to keep you from DROWNING yourself. And it was no less of a spontaneous act. It was simply an act that was harmless and considerate, in both cases. It was no MORE spontaneous, either, than the conditions of my first meeting Alanna. And each set of circumstances was produced in total independence, and often defiance, of social expectations. I just simply never NEEDED the points of view of my peers as a point of reference; my own values were at once much too sophisticated and all so much too simple to require looking over my own shoulder. I was plainly a Shaman. And I’ve been consistently harmless.
YOU have NOT been harmless. We’ve all watched you fuck up your life and you had the nerve to TELL us what to DO as though we’d OWED IT TO YOU. The other half of your whole scheme, the first of which is to be totally unaccountable to others, is apparently to have all others be held accountable to you. It is of no concern to YOU whether it was simply RIGHT that I should go into the water, either to save your life or to celebrate mine, or whether or not it was RIGHT that I should be with Alanna. You only ever registered that it was some thing that YOU did not WANT. And far from noting my superiority to you in ethical dominion, over simply my OWN life, you tried to displace your own EGOISM onto me. I was made to feel suspect for my own clarity. And that is unpardonable. I was never self-interested; let’s get it straight that YOU were. So what fault you might find with me is your own. It is nothing but a function of your own self-interest, by your own admission. You venerate your own emotive preferences, and every thing that does not fall into the category of “what you want” falls under the category of “what you don’t want”, and far from acknowledging the categories of “right” and “wrong” you simply describe EVERY thing that falls under “what you don’t want” as “what others want”. And since you can’t accommodate all others, you flip out. But you are never in any position to condemn me, for far from acting out of “what I want” I simply do “what is RIGHT”. And I am at LIBERTY to do that without need to answer to your totally illusory authority. You’ve worked it out, in some sort of drug-induced delusion, that every one is out to compete with you, and in this paranoia you demand that they “balance out” their own debauchery by accommodating YOURS, for that seems “fair” (despite its being, were it so as you have suggested, a proliferation of degeneracy on both sides of the proverbial fence.). But all that you PROVE is that at the root of all your condemnation is an attempt to GET AWAY WITH every thing you do, by finding fault with people A PRIORI. You’ll never have the courage I did, either to break away from your peers, however wretched they may be, nor to go to the lengths I went to for a cause or for even a loved one. It was YOU that cheated on Bianca. Not the other way around.
I am not trying to bully you. When I began to write this I wondered why I should think to open it the way that I did. Then I recall your tone in text. And it daunts me that even as a capitalist you could so abuse my personal belongings, to say nothing of my personal connections with others. But then I am reminded that this was all ways how capitalists behaved. They don’t hold themselves accountable to a Higher Purpose or the dream of empathic SOLIDARITY with all beings, as in the Marxist or Buddhist vision. They simply do whatever the FUCK they can get away with, and they try to hold you in their DEBT irrespective of how well-intentioned, self-sacrificing, and COURAGEOUS are their victims.
Dm.
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