Six Years Later:

Six Years Later:

 

Six years later, I still remember.

That I sought my own interests was not inherently at fault. That you sought yours at my expense was. That my interests take precedence in both sets of circumstances, one wherein I sought them, the other wherein I preserved them, is more than an egocentric conceit, though your own interests must become marginal by a matter of course. The fact remains that you turned MY enterprise AGAINST me in the pursuit of those interests. You made it so that, to the same extent as I saw dignity in you, enough to trust you with my enterprise, you took that dignity AWAY from me. That both of you were allied in this makes no difference. You both surrendered dignity by doing so, and by so doing you were instrumental in the moral and social decay I sought to remedy. Everything I did to remedy that, whether successful or not, remains legitimate. That I have ALWAYS sought to remedy moral decay is incontrovertible. That she died as the result of this decay is undeniable; that you remained singularly capable of preventing this Death is damning, and that the power you stole from me alongside my dignity you never used to undo this damage is worthy of damnation. I shared this power with you in good faith, though it was bad faith only insofar as you were not deserving of it. That I abused my power by sharing it with you I admit, and thereby I salvage my dignity. That YOU made it so that my mistake became a cause for Suffering and Tragedy can no longer be denied nor tolerated. If you ask anyone what you OUGHT to have done, you already have my account of a far less tragic narrative, and I do not doubt that there are those among the bereaved who would kill to have actualized my Narrative. That you confess I wanted this to be so, despite your intentions, only serves to underscore that WHAT I wanted was Superior. I wanted the Good. That you would think that “the Good” could not possibly have been “Good for me”, that that which was “Good for me” could not possibly have been “the Good”, that in arranging all of this I deserved NONE of that Good Faith I’d placed in you, for you had so successfully turned that Faith towards Evil: that is Disturbing, and nothing could be more profoundly Insulting. Yet even more Disturbing is that you did ONLY that which was “Good for you”, that you could ONLY imagine having REASONABLY done so, IRRESPECTIVE of whether it was Good for Me, Good for Her, Good for All of Us, as Individuals and as Collective, and, finally, Good as Such. How is it you so preclude the possibility of MY interests being Good as Such, yet YOUR interests, despite the obvious evidence to the contrary, were not even possibly Evil?

Yes: six years ago, she took the first steps out.

Yes: I maintain that, had you two not hurt me, she might still be Alive.

Those were not the ONLY steps. At EVERY step, you misstepped. At EVERY stage of development, I witnessed your Evil. At EVERY stage of development, I was punished for my Faith in You by watching yet one more opportunity to SAVE her wasted wholesale.

I know not how, but you SHALL be punished for this. I need no entitlements to prove this. I need no rights to prove this. In fact, the very ABSENCE of such edifying standards are all the evidence required of Evil.

 

Six Years Later, I have my Dignity Again.

 

[({Dm.R.G.)}]