A TALE OF TAPEWORMS: Concluded.

STOP. CONTRADICTING. ME. You have no side. There is no position that can contradict my own at this point. You lost all semblance of a voice when you betrayed my trust and defied that authority which was solely my own. Every thing that you wrote here directly disadvantages me, BY YOUR OWN ADMISSION. This is an adversarial situation, and no reader would tolerate it in light of the fact that it was YOUR act of insubordination to Universal Principles that had produced this intolerable and unpardonable state of conflict and aggression. Alanna is dead, and owing to my scholarship and martyrdom the world knows why: because you raped and murdered her. You supplied her with illegal chemicals so that she would sleep with you when RIGHTFULLY she should have slept with me. Those same chemicals aggravated her addictions, if not having created them, and precluded any possibility of a healthy romantic relationship with her when she finally returned to me, for they had rewritten not only her mental pathways but all so her vaginal circulation. Despite this, you obstructed my project, which was to heal her, despite the fact that I had made all of this possible for you under false auspices, and only had I been capable of IMAGINING the extent to which you would go for sheer amusement could I have done my duty to prevent it. You defied my will, even when it was of practical necessity and moral obligation that you clear your name with me by helping me to do what God had appointed me to do: to SAVE HER LIFE. It was BECAUSE I had provided her with an opportunity to advance her musical career that you were able to destroy her. And this same opportunity I had extended to you. This was not an agenda. It was a REFLEX. It was my only worldly purpose. You could have at least done us the COURTESY of succeeding without me, just to prove that you never needed me, that I might sleep at night with the tender hope that she never needed me either. But you are weak. And you failed. And because she was willing to tolerate that narcissistic abuse that I put up with for five years, and because she was of a lesser will to live than I, for even I am more survivalistic than she, she is dead now. And I alone can hold you responsible. And I alone will. Don’t think you can intimidate me out of it.

No one will buy this. No one ever did. They only had pity for you as an addict. They forgot you as a pusher and opportunist. There are no “opinions” here. There is nothing relative. Every lie you weave contradicts and DISADVANTAGES me. Your willingness to do that, without appeal to any Higher Cause, even one you committed yourself to, Alanna Leigh McLeod, who was your only advocate and whose well-being was your only conceivable excuse, is alone sufficient to have you put away. There are no bad situations in the World. There are no fair games of zero sum. There are only facts. And those facts smile upon those who RESPECT them. Justice is convenient all ways TO THE JUST. And I alone have been Just. And I was not alone in having been the Victim. I was he that protected and consoled the Victims, myself included. I know that you never were one. You were all ways the Oppressor. I was the Host. You were the leech. I was the Shaman. You were the Suburban. And she said it herself.

The Truth all ways offers men Solidarity and Mutual Respect in Compassion. You violated this. And you have not atoned, even at every opportunity that I offered unto you. Everything you said above only asserts you at MY expense. So it cannot be true. And that this will hopefully be at YOUR expense that I say this does not change a thing. For you were that goat that God released when He released all beings, and that turned against God in order that he might enslave his brethren and ruin God’s Kingdom on Earth. To translate secularly: you are the force of Evil. And I am Good. And I win in the end. And I shall join Alanna in Heaven.

All ways I worked to see God’s Vision on Earth. All ways it was I that wanted EVERY one to be Happy. I would not have fallen in love with Alanna had she never needed me. And even now you contradict me in my search for Truth and Goodness with your Lies and Evil. And even now you are so transparent as to make it clear that you are willing to disadvantage others in order to assert yourself. And even now you try to clothe your lies in the bigger lie that you are justified in doing so. And you adorn it with the insane, drug-induced conviction that those whom you involve in this predatory game can be your equals. But even now as I seek to protect others FROM you, as I tried to protect Alanna here, I prove you to be my inferior. You COULD have been my Equal, and we could have lived in Harmony. But you CHOSE to be my Enemy instead. And I know better than to allow myself to be dragged down into Hell. With you, that is the entirety of Life. With you, I cannot simply BE and Let Be. Even your equals are made to accept your exploitation as a fact of life. I refused this. I have pity for those who consent to it. And I feel remorse for those who did. I miss her. And I all ways will. But I shall avenge her as soon as God tells me to and shows me the way. You can rest assured of that. That is not a threat; it is a fact. Though I know that you fear the Truth as you fear God.

I am Harmony. But you are Chaos. And you are not the Redeeming Kind of Chaos. I am both yin and yang; I include the Redeemer. But you are every thinkable and unthinkable imbalance that is not fit for human consumption. You are poison. But I am the antidote.

This is why to be my Equal requires Effort, whereas to be yours requires sacrifice. No one has to make that sacrifice. Alanna did not NEED to die for YOU. Bianca did not NEED to get divorced for YOU. You make equality and camaraderie look so easy until you turn on those closest to you. But you cannot out-sell me. My offer remains the unequivocal Best: to live in Harmony. Any harmony that you might offer for a cheaper price will only be an even cheaper knock-off. That’s you: the suburban. I am the Shaman still. And I all ways will be, until I dissolve again into the Godhead. You have admitted to the conviction that all of Life is an unreconciled struggle. So you now accuse ME of being the problem? Most of my relationships only APPEARED disharmonious when YOU got involved in them. YOU’RE THE PROBLEM.

It’s like I said: “You COULD have been my Equal, and we could have lived in Harmony. But you CHOSE to be my Enemy instead.” There is no further room for Opinion here. The negotiation’s over. Alanna is Dead. You got what you wanted. Now it’s time to pay for it. There is no room for delusions that an Enemy of mine and of Justice Itself can still be Just, nor that an Enemy of Truth Itself can be Truthful, nor that an Enemy of Harmony Itself can be Harmonious. I am Harmony. I am Harmonious. I do not need to even consider the possibility that I am in the wrong. Any one who upsets ME is the force of Disharmony and Tyranny Itself. You cannot sell them Equality and Harmony for a cheaper price and lesser effort. Our disharmony does not end when we become equals on YOUR terms; it becomes only worse. Such have been the past nine years of my life, from the moment that I met you. And upon reflection, I realize that my first impression of you was the truest: you were an egoist. Alanna is right about first impressions. She is right about most things.

So my terms are the only sensible ones for Equality. But now I withdraw my offer. You will die my inferior in Hell. And I shall remain in Heaven. I know now my purpose: to watch over you. To ensure that you never gain an other foothold in this world. To haunt you. And I can do this within the limits of every beneficent institution that remains on this Godforsaken Earth. And I have found the courage to defy any Institution that defends you. I have earned that right: to live above the law, at the expense of those who live below it. And that shall be the whole of the Law. Not Satanism. But truly Divine Love.

ADDENDUM: Since the last paragraph of your pathetic attempts at defense won't stop staring at me from the top of this dialog box, and since the scroll bar is exhausted, I shall do you one last courtesy by reacting to it: You DON'T take responsibility for yourself. Because you owe that to me. I have no flaws. You have never proven that I do. Alexandra once thought you were flawless, but from that moment forth (if not before it) you were the epitome of imperfection to my mind. You will not infect me with your imperfection. You are a narcissistic degenerate whose evil is not mitigated by his shamelessness. You play on the same pity (that you've disavowed in the same breath) by pretending to be harmless. But your harm has yet to be undone, as do you. You will not go around corrupting other women, pretending it is normal as Alanna lies dead by your hand. You will not escape into the illusory distance from which you operate when you can no longer betray those closest to you. And Justice will be done on Alanna's behalf. If events and petty hurts from five years prior could justify your treachery, then the greatest tragedy in the lives of this many people will see the sword of discretion. You should have taken the prick of pity instead. And you will know to regret the poor choice. Your problems were once your own. But now they are in the hands of your victims and superiors. And so are you. I do not have deficiencies. I do not have flaws. I am your superior. And I shall be addressed as such. My will alone is not enough; I must tame yours. Alanna is dead. And she was a victim. You have not earned the right to call me names. The crimes were all ways yours, and if I must remain alone in holding you accountable to them, then I shall be. I have no choice in this matter. I am done vouching for you when all others tried to wake me up to your lunacy, and it was out of generosity to you and them that I did not think you were capable of this nor that they could condone it. Everything you do has treated me as an accessory and a commodity. I was perpetually the scapegoat for others' sins when I alone was sinless. And yet I do not have to stand alone any more. Virtue shall return to the World. Even this Letter was an act of Virtue, for it was in Alanna's defense. And you have done nothing in the way of preventing her death on my authority. You have only tried to appeal to that part of me that is so virtuous that he would project his own goodness upon the evil and that would take the burden for others' sins. Now tell me, o wily one: does that not sound like a scapegoat to you? Everyone knows I am your moral superior. Alanna did. You are in no position to even posit the EXISTENCE of "deficiency". It's a joke. And it's totally generic. And it's the reason that she died. That you cannot imagine that you'd owe the both of us her Life and Happiness, that you would try to burden your own most loyal friend with accusations of even remote self-interest, only demonstrates your sociopathy all the more. And that I am triggered enough to write this addendum only serves to demonstrate my authority over what will remain of your pathetic, parasitic Life. I am the Me I dream of being. And you are the fiend that haunts those dreams. And you know it. So again: stop lying. And stop contradicting me. Because the matter at hand was all ways mine to resolve. And you have no further excuses for the sins that you admit to, each of which I have remained blameless of. AS EVERY MAN MUST. Some things are relative. But not all things. If that were so, men could have no knowledge of the relative things. My virtue is not negotiable. I owe nothing to fiends and degenerates, least of all those whose villainies I have witnessed firsthand and whose casualties were my own most dearly beloved friends. I was driven to the point of madness for Alanna. And it’s all because of you. I’ve PROVEN this. You can no longer hide your aggression in passive-aggression and detachment. We live in an age that precludes that. And we all know that it terrifies you. Once our generation transcends that terror and reaches Maturity, our world of Mutual Transparency shall become a New Place. So think not that people will for long confuse my madness out of love for hatred. No one will blame me for Her Death. They will blame YOU. Because they have it on my authority, and because they know that I was disadvantaged BY you. Only in passing will men think that the matter was relative nor that my justifiable reasons for contempt rob me of my virtue instead of vindicating it. They will recall my deeds. And they too shall demand Justice again. Until then: I will build my church upon this rock. I shall continue my work on Earth as a Healer, all most as though I’d never met you. I shall ignore sociopaths such as yourself who want to rob me of my virtue. I shall continue to learn from Great Men who came before me. And I shall Teach, knowing that someday I may be surpassed. I shall never come down to your level. There is no solace in “Equality” with you; that rests with me. Truth is not a function of Opinion, and Virtue is no function of Emotion. You can see into my Soul. But you won’t touch it. I can see into yours. So let’s cut the lies that you devised for public eyes. I only brought this out into public because it could not be resolved directly. And I kept my silence like a vow before you started trying to obscure THE Truth with YOUR opinion, turning those friends I thought I held most closely against me. Nothing will ever justify rape, murder, and betrayal. Nothing. You can try to count every good deed on my part against me simply because it must by necessity contradict your own evil agenda. But you will only make that agenda – to use your own word – that much more transparent to the Enlightened Public. I will not turn from the Proper Course out of some neurotic delusion that it is anything less than Objective and Universal. I will not stop at just enough, at the behest of YOUR arbitration, as though to cut my losses and escape with my conscience intact and follow you down the path of darkness. I will end you. I must. And I shall continue to DO what I must. You all ready know that you cannot manipulate me. So now the World will know that you can no longer manipulate them. A magician can make virtue look like vice in an attempt to clothe his own vice in the semblance of sincerity. But men who wake up to the TRUE nature of the Virtuous Path will know that he is expressing his OWN envy, not theirs. And it is he alone then that will be left guilty, publically, of projection. It is he alone that will prove to be the Villain.

Dm.A.A.