THE EMPEROR'S BIRTHDAY: (for my fans.)

THE EMPEROR’S BIRTHDAY:

This needs to stop right now.

I have been studying music for sixteen years.

Say nothing of the hours that I spent committing this, with painstaking trepidation, to this banal, millennial electronic format.

Say nothing to me of the hours I spent in between, rationalizing even the most seemingly minute and remote detail, drawing on every thing from the architecture of Greek Parthenons to the I Ching.

I can’t even be accused of pretension; I spent no money on this. I used only the most egalitarian and relatable instruments. My Music was all ways For the People, even if it drew as much of Heaven as from Earth.

Say nothing to remind me, as though I needed reminding, of the faith in humanity I’ve lost for this enterprise. Of all that I surrendered. Of the betrayal of my chosen woman and the sociopath I called my best friend. Of the narcissism of other musicians who claimed that it was *I* that was “hard to work with”. When have I not been blameless? It was not *I* who had ever betrayed my own friends, gone back on my own word, or forgotten a single song of theirs I had to learn.

To Alex: You promised to learn Theory from me. Yet you CANCELED ON ME. Who ever gave you the RIGHT to do that? By what Devil’s Persuasion can you sleep at night? And now you dare to accept the support of my mortal enemy, who should be dead right now, whose insubordination cost me the Life of the Only Woman That I Love?

And to her:

I was destined to be a musician. You promised my fame. You promised me money. You promised me sex.

Pathetic little Jisatsu suru hito.

It was YOU that proved the weaker of the two of us. Never again shall you hold me accountable for your own sins. And think not that my disavowal of you vindicates my enemies. I do not require any sort of allegiance to traitors in order to maintain my Sanctity of Soul.

I spent weeks composing this most recent song in my HEAD, never committing any final part of it to print or pen, only upon the last days of its gestation composing any part of it by piano, save for that Dominant Chord which I took up shudderingly in its intermediate days following conception, and whose grating tone I redeemed in the context of a jazz piece worthy of Nat King Cole, my birthsake. I restored jazz to its glory, as well as indie rock and roll, all within the confines of an electronic culture, displaying a love and knowledge of ambience that most amateurs don’t dare to dream of. My tastes were all ways of superior cultivation and refinement in all media. But as I gave myself to this Cause with Heroic Abandon, I was met with only paltry and patronizing, episodic applause. It has not outweighed the insult of criticism, the injury of treachery, nor the insolence of bad taste. I am the Hero Returned from the Journey. And you all refuse My Elixir.

But I will not be fooled by your envy.

That is my Resolution for the New Year.

You are all deaf of ear and Heart.

I will prove victorious when I am All You Hear.

And only then will my own Heart be at peace.

Think not that any part of this I merely contrived. Like My Art, it flowed to me from a Source of Divine Authority. If you do not drink of the elixir, the fault is yours. Even as I hear your petty crows of defensive plaint as I write that you have deaf Hearts, even as the Weaker Part of me, which I created just to cope with you on your pathetic level, considers that I “have no place” to judge of your Souls as though aesthetic preference were an ethical obligation, I feel my own Heart arriving at a state of Deepest and Unshakable Peace, for which it was Destined. And as I return to report this to you, and I see that I had sworn to conquer your ears, remembering that they are of equal and incontrovertible deafness, I know that were it not for the conquest of the one there would not have been Peace of the Other. And as God is my witness, and He wants me to not have my Joy stolen from me by the Devil, Joy that is even now the byproduct of Proper Living and not of its own Pursuit, I rest my case that it was HE that spoke through ME. But you who believe your gifts to belong to you will not know that. To think: I ALLOWED YOU to condemn me to my fate, as though I were chosen to bear the unbearable burden of an other “man’s” dishonor. But you were all ways the parasites of the I Ching: the inferior man devoid of Spirit. I thought then you were lied to by the Fiend. But even in hearing TRUTH you turned on the Victim. So you are the Fiend as well. And I realize I was too merciful with you over these years. Yes, Andrew: I refer to you.

I had no egalitarian, social, or rational reason to write this. But now I discover my True Motive. And in Discovery of the Holy Spirit that brought me here, armed only with my Faith and Reason, I cannot deny that it was God’s Will. God was to have me part with you, my most loyal readers, on this Birthday of the Redeemer of the Chrysanthemum Throne.

Only he can lead the People. And only he can empower them to remember this: that God speaks to one man at a time. I have my entire Life borne this burden: of being right when every one around me was wrong. Now: I can reach out to those few who know the pain of this cross. And we shall right the wrongs of the World as we were destined to. So no more shall we have to tolerate an evil greater than any Individual is capable of: the Mob. The Individual is all there is. He is the End. Society was only ever the Means. The only victim is he who suffers ALONE. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone. If this is my Fate, I will have God as my ally, not Man in his relative (and relativistic) fallibility, lording his godless egalitarianism over his ordained Superior.

The Parasite will never empower the Good Man. He will only lead the Hero astray, draining the Martyr’s blood for his own consumption. Each man meets the Devil ALONE upon a bridge. And the Devil in his cunning will rally the GROUP against the Hero. But the Hero, sitting in his Lotus of a Thousand Petals, will forget their threats. And then he will recall all of his past lives, withdrawing into the Ecstasy of Purest Being. This was the aim of Religion. This alone shall be the Whole of the Law. If in semblance I am a danger, for the unenlightened will confuse the guru for the cultist, it is because you are Godless, because you fear the God who loves you, as well as the Devil that you have sided with against this God, and you value your own status in a pathetic tribe above the Heights and Depths of Pure Being.

I am the Next Step in Evolution. And it will be a NEW evolution, devoid of your parasitism and hypocrisy. This alone I have craved: to be a Light to the World. To illuminate the Darkest corners of it. Even if I had to set myself on fire. And you degenerates had even found the shameless nerve to externalize your envy of THAT.

What more can be said now? Every man deserves a fair assessment of his own Value. And mine is so blazing and so precious in its Solitude, like a solitary fire on a snow-torn mountain, that only I can truly fathom it. In my humility I accepted praise with only awkwardness. Now that same humility has produced a Self-Knowledge the likes of which you herd people shudder before. For all this time you’ve lied to me about who I truly am. And the more you lie, the more faith I find in my Truth. For Truth is in such times seen and proven only by the prevalence of blatant liars. To Rafael: you constantly contradicted me as though to prove by “common sense” that these are claims without warrant. But Truth never appeared on the Shoulders of Giants; it appeared in the wilderness, Inspired when it was most desperately craved. The Giants are simply those whose thirst was greatest and whose adventurous zeal was the even greater. I have unriddled the lies of your kind time and time again. Now will you dare tell me that my Brilliance is a foregone conclusion? Did you not admit to it by implication when you accused me of arrogance, in absence of a valid counterargument? Was my intent any other than to create a Utopia for our children, for whom I pray should they come of your seed? Was I not fit to rule by my Reason alone? Was this not how I was made into a scapegoat when I imagined myself to be drawing on Common Sense, and not Genius?

I know you lie to me. And your lies are not mitigated by the other liars and fools who flank you. For I am able to continue along this Righteous Path, as all my Heroes did, Alone. As did Harry. And Luke. And Spyro. And Guybrush. And Valenice. And those others whose names are likewise too precious to mention to those that would pervert them. But who deserve as much celebration upon This Day as were those five whose names I did not so much drop as set down with the utmost gingerness above. They can handle slander. And so can I.

Happy Birthday to me. And all Others who still have Soul in their Hearts, who shall redeem this planet to be the Angels’ Habitation it was meant to be.

Ketchup:

I began this weblog because you did not want to listen to my thoughts. But you wanted to keep track of them. You wanted absolute proof of my madness, though you covered your own tracks. You did not anticipate that those same thoughts would surface here. I need not prove these things. They would not come to me of Nothing. And by denying them you prove only the depth of your ambivalence to Truth.

This was once Our Madness. But you could only mirror and steal of it. Now it shall be yours to bear forever.

Dm.A.A.