1,300 Words.

You have even here blatantly confessed to a failure to perform your singular function as a friend: the preservation of my interests. My interests ought to have been your primary and solitary concern. You admit, shamelessly, that I was DIASADVANTAGED by MULTIPLE PEOPLE, not one of whom has made even a tiny effort to set an example by which I might be atoned. I have NEVER tolerated Injustice, and my ardour in preserving what is Right was only ever sabotaged by doubts that were planted by you, doubts I know now to have been planted DELIBERATELY. Had I ever come close to you in depravity then I would have known better than to trust you. That I demonstrated my loyalty by trusting you absolves me of any blame in the betrayal of my trust BY you. And I was never wrong to suspect that you would equally betray all others who had trusted you, save for those who can afford to spare all you demand of them. You can’t pretend that you did not demand it of me, and to the extent it was exceptional it was unjust. You can’t pretend either that my suspicions and the course of action they produced were in fact the cause and not the attempt to prevent. I bore WITNESS, DIRECTLY, TO the TRUE cause: You. You will make no pariah of me. I’ll make one of you. For any one still conscious will remember all the times that I defended THEM against injustice, in a spirit of total tolerance, though not without wisdom and discernment. I even defended YOU, and I will not be penalized for placing trust in you that you then squandered. It was not my decision that this should be made public. But you chose to publicize my own innermost hurts. I thought you must have lied severely to persuade people as upstanding as Mike or Andrew that I was in any way at fault. But now I understand that they were as degenerate as you; hence they pretended towards equality with you. There was NOTHING you could have said to justify what you did to me. I had not set out to make you a pariah; I set out to ESCAPE you and to deliver any one from you whom I still CARED for, even though my caring took precedence over my discretion, and you squandered more and more of my remaining trust, not just in you, but in Humanity Itself. I may have failed to turn them all against you once you had exhausted Alanna’s Life. But you will do that for yourself. It’s all ready begun, and I have regained enough of my former strength by which I might become confident in the facts as well as in my own perception of them. There was a time when there was no difference between the two. But you divided objectivity from subjectivity by blaming me for my perceptions. You have no right to them. They are mine, and they are absolutely objective. Of all of the injustices I’ve contended with, this was the most difficult, not only because of how severely it affected me, but because of how severely I knew that it would affect others. As false friend upon false friend was revealed to be a farce, the burden that I was never meant to bear became heavier and less bearable, and I saw just how overdue this break was. But I forgive myself now for Alanna’s Suicide. It never was my fault. She simply failed to recognize my own blamelessness. Blinded by her own self-interest she projected that upon me. But the facts attest, as well as they would for any one, to my utter clarity and loyalty throughout this Satanic, drugged-up ordeal. No one had the courage to part with the group and to stand against you. Only I did. And I’ve earned Respect that only those equally worthy of it would feel towards me. The rest of you remain in Hell and in Decay. Such was my burden: at the moment that my clarity was most intense I was most alone. Do you think I will apologize for that? Is this the first time that I’ve been alone? Don’t try to make me laugh; we are beyond that point. I lost two friends last year. One overdosed on heroin, and someone set out to find the degenerate who sold it to him. But my friend whom I confided in assured me that if ever I did L.S.D. I would benefit from it. I am not afraid of Reality. And I am CERTAINLY not afraid to stand up for myself. Any injustice should be remedied, and if I allow injustice to be done to me, what example do I set for others? That others would hold me to that pathetic standard is not very convincing as an argument. The Strong will all ways see through it; only the Weak will follow you. And you know that. That is why you live in Fear of Power.

Thankfully, you do not need to feel pity for me. I assure you: I have made many new friends. And they are not sequestered from Life. And my new friends are powerful. So good luck crossing me again, Ketchup.

Dm.A.A.

P.S.: I understand now. Shortly prior to your betrayal I dreamt that I visited a candy store. An enormous gumball machine was dropped upon me. I was ensnared. But I was not dead. I know now what that machine was: it was a PAWN. A simple PAWN attacked me as I approached all of them aligned in the starting position. My mind had combined memories of playing Chess with my Scorpio grandfather when I was four or so with memories of childhood delight. It was a cheap delight. And it was a weak piece that took me. And though I was ENSNARED WITHIN it, made to RESEMBLE a Pawn, I had only to escape this claustrophobic condition in order to win in a game I had never expected to play.

I remain blameless. I stood up for you for a long time, even after the betrayal trying to help you to redeem yourself. It was not until after Alanna died that I made an attempt to DESTROY you. And it was justified, for you had tried to destroy me, and I had EARNED the right to defend myself against you. What passes for convention in your rung of Samsara is crime in mine. And you destroyed Alanna. She shall be avenged, even if by a force greater than mine. Or lesser? I don’t doubt it. It does not matter now whether or not you make me the pariah in a group of freaks and addicts. It does not matter when it was I tried to do the same to you. My sorrow, as is the treachery that produced it, still stands as a testament to my Loyalty, without which treachery would not have been possible nor matched in conflict. My recovery entitles me to any limit that is to be set. Alanna owes her trust to me, and you owe me your life for having exploited the weaknesses of so strong a Person. Your disloyalty to her remains the mortal sin for which you shall perish. And no degree of power play within a petty community will deliver you from Justice. I had my reasons to make you the pariah. God had his reasons for sparing me that burden. You will make yourself the pariah. And just as petty as were your complaints next to the preservation of Alanna’s Life shall be your isolation next to the total extent of Cosmic Justice against you. I should know; I’ve been there. Isolation is nothing compared to the Wrath of Divine Retribution.

Dm.A.A.