An Older Reciprocity.

An Older Reciprocity:

There is a girl. She loves to touch people, but hates to be touched. Is she ‘wrong’? Of course not. Hurry: before it’s too late, perish all thought of treating others how YOU would like to be treated, or of treating them how they treat you. Focus instead on treating them how THEY want to be treated, and for Heaven’s sake, have the generosity to presume that they have that same focus. You have not in common with them all your preferences, yet you might have in common with them that intent. Make that distinction, for to hold them to THAT standard is a world above the standard you would hold them to otherwise.

That presumption, that they mean well, you can make. That they prefer what you prefer, do not presume.

They would PREFER that you presume upon the former, not the latter, whether or not YOU’D prefer that too, and if you do prefer it, know that that might very well be where your kinship of preference ENDS. Presume no further; only guess.

If she would touch you and you like it, do not think that she prefers to be touched. For she did not treat you as SHE wanted to be treated, but as YOU did. Nor presume that you can simply treat her as you would prefer to be treated; she has all ready now made you her locus; if you make YOURSELF your locus, and not her, then you will be self-centred, and therefore insensitive.

If she would touch you and you DON’T prefer it, you must let her know, even if you would rather keep this silent. For only then will she know that she had erred, and only then can she revise her attitude.

Again: presume not that her attitude entitles you, for she treats you not as she would prefer but rather as she guesses at your OWN preference. Nor treat her as you’d prefer, for just as there’s a chance she does NOT want her touch to be reciprocated, so there’s a chance that she DOES. Learn which is which, for she may not reciprocate your own timidity, and would prefer thus to be touched.

When others please you, be grateful. If they are not pleased by reciprocation, note your error, for they pleased you out of empathy for you, whereas you displeased them out of ego. Reciprocity is not a standard. People who do ‘good’ just to receive it on exchange are on a lower level altogether. To treat others as one wants to be treated, with hope of a reward, is all ways damaging.

When others wrong you, forgive them.

And then correct them, for your pardon matters little if you keep it secret. Don’t sllow them to keep erring;

It deceives them.

And finally: NEVER presume that if a woman touches you that that ENTITLES you to touch her. You may touch her once, to learn if she prefers it. But beyond that you are governed by her answer. Know that she reciprocates this same consideration, as it would adapt to YOUR preferences.

And to the man who treats you without that regard, whether or not he wants that treatment in exchange, seek not vengeance by either giving him what he wants, which had wronged you, or what he does not, even were it right FOR you.

Simply do not treat such people. They are not worth your time spent.

Dm.A.A.