Lettre:

I must comment out of character upon this concept of altruism. It’s quite apparent to me that the happiness of others is crucial to my own, and the simple fact that this is so means that the lifestyle that I lead cannot be “reduced” to self-interest at the expense of others, nor is it identical to that sort of life. I struggle to express this longing to Joseph; he only understands it from a distance. I must confess: I am deeply attached to other people. This is one of the reasons I stopped practicing Buddhism. I don’t UNDERSTAND people so much as I depend upon them for my happiness; trying to detach myself eliminates it. I can only imagine that I favoured Buddhism for its emphasis on the interdependence of things and its nihilation of the separate ego, which is perpetually impeding the flow of life from others through me. I have always really been more of a Taoist, though it seems like I was Buddhistic longer than I can recall. The ideal of attaining enlightenment drew me to Buddhism, but this same ideal is supposed to be misguided. I am more of a Taoist pantheist. I can’t simply deny the world and be content.

Dmytri.