APATHETIC LOVE:

Of COURSE I do not care what THEY feel. I LOVE them. Why would you EXPECT me to care what they feel about ME? Oh, right. You want to believe that that’s some sort of contradiction. Now I’m not playing by the “rules”, as though you ever said that there were rules in love. But if you’d think about it for a moment, if you’re capable, you have to admit this: if I love them and they hate me back, why should I acknowledge their hatred? I wouldn’t even NOTICE it. That’s what it means to love someone UNCONDITIONALLY. There IS no barrier between your feelings and her own. Hatred perceives that barrier; hatred thrives off of it. But love does not. So hatred cannot comprehend it, and Love can’t comprehend hatred. Hatred makes Love into another distant Other, whereas Love knows no Others. Love simply sees hatred in passing and looks right past it. It does not even perceive the SOURCE of hatred. It knows no Others.

But you see: that’s inconvenient to you. You WANT to believe that everyone who loves you has to feel all of the really base and negative things that YOU feel. You WANT to believe that you’re ENTITLED to that. And why? Because you don’t love people back. Because you don’t HAVE Unconditional Love. You all ways wanted something in exchange for everything. You never cared to have good intent, so good intent is without value to your mind. You never had to ignore abuse, so you could not tolerate abuse, even if to your mind “abuse” is simply the ignorance of negativity. *I* know how to ignore abuse. I know how to ignore negativity. But you absorb it and it BECOMES you because you FEAR people. Anything to get an outcome that will benefit you. If it doesn’t, then you shed all ties and act like you did something “tactful” and attractive. You didn’t. You just proved what we all knew deep down: that for all your preaching about the Feelings of Others, you gave up caring about all those feelings when you could afford to stop pretending. And then you were left only with your own emotions, just like all of us are, except that yours were based and uninformed by Love, Goodness, and Beauty.

Emotions are fairly useless. They do not form ethics. You cannot predict them. You cannot control them. You can only ride them. Like a wave. But they are not imperatives. They’re not as strong as Love. They can only be as strong AS Love is, though they will never be as strong as Love Itself is. You can’t measure a finite feeling against an infinite Source. So how is it that you can expect me to care that my ex hated me? That’s on her for being a hypocrite. I had that love that she only pretended to. More power to me. That’s why I’m still here. Because I stayed true to my word, and my word was a Loving word. I wouldn’t want people to feel all that I feel; that’s not my goal. And I don’t care whether they love me back or not, except for just a few, and only because they’ve accepted that as their responsibility.

I welcome any feelings from a loving partner. Those I can allow; those I can manage. I offered her love and she returned her hatred. How can you accuse me of having been insensitive to her? It was she that ignored an opportunity for greater sensitivity. It was she that gave up. And if you still maintain that to love is to empathize, then know this: she never really cared for my feelings, either. They were clearly much too deep for her to understand. So be it. What she feels about me will haunt her. What I feel about her will only empower me now.

[({Dm.A.A.)}]