A Tale of Healing:

A Tale of Healing:

Any one can seem like a decent person in a photograph from a sunny day suffused in satisfaction. The problems only ever arise when things do not go according to Plan. Rafael, like K., never learned the difference between Boundaries and Preferences. He mistook his own disappointment for betrayal. But what did he know of betrayal? He was alone in feeling hurt; I had to witness someone that I loved get hurt. He was “betrayed” in a totally self-centred enterprise; I was betrayed in a noble one. His only noble enterprise was to facilitate my own healing. This he did, but without having intended it, and when the time called for me to take initiative I did, though it defied his will. I held him to the standards of those guardian angels I had had, knowing as they had that I had been innocent in my own suffering and therefore DESERVED to Heal by whatever means were necessary. Any question of my character was to remain generous, for my track record was clean. I would not repeat the wrongs that I had borne witness to as both victim and protector. But how could he know that? He had not borne such witness personally. And I have no reason to believe that what was necessary to my own recovery was the start of his own suffering. Rafael, like K., was the origin point of all his misery. And it emanated from a narcissistic defiance of those ancient norms by which injustices were redressed, healers were assigned, and a Boundary could be discerned from a Preference. Without this system life becomes a game of zero sum, wherein everything is permitted and nothing is required. And having witnessed that Hell firsthand, I cannot allow for any one whose personal, self-righteous vendetta implies such a World. I have seen too much of the Benevolent World to resolve myself to such Darkness. If Rafael seems happy in that photograph, and if in his happiness he appears more angelic, it is because that photograph was taken by someone who, up until the point that he had to think of his own needs (and thereby lost Rafael’s miserly trust) had only ever helped him towards the Light. But as with K., that person suffered losses by the ignorance and arrogance of the sufferer that he tried to Heal. Neither K. nor Rafael agreed to be part of a Higher Cause, and insofar as each sought only his own self-preservation and satisfaction they conspired towards a common Evil for which I shall bear no blame.

Dm.A.A.