Six Hundred and Sixty Words:

No. NO. YOU WON in a game that I did not CONSENT TO PLAY. YOU OWE ME. And you could have VINDICATED YOUR WRONGS, lending MEANING TO MY SUFFERING, if you had only DONE WHAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO.

“And what was that?”

THE BAND!! You did now “owe me music”, you possessive FUCK, because it never BELONGED TO YOU. It was the entire BASIS for our RELATIONSHIP, the one thing holding me and HER together, and the ONE SOLUTION to the problem YOU created.

“Look, man. YOU came to ME.”

YES. *I* came to YOU. *I* did this for YOU. I saw YOUR need and YOUR AMBITION. *I* took care of YOU. You had no RIGHT TO REFUSE, and you don’t have it NOW. I DID THIS FOR HER AS WELL. THAT MEANS YOU OWE ME. BECAUSE YOU OWE IT TO HER. I *LOVED* HER AND YOU BETRAYED ME. I *LOVED* HER AND YOU *SABOUTAGED* ME. I*LOVED* HER AND YOU BETRAYED HER. Now you have to PROVE that it was not all done in vain. Now YOU must PROVE your LOVE For her, so that MY loss is vindicated. LOVE ITSELF compels you, not mere JUSTICE. YOU BETRAYED ME, and I did this ALL FOR YOU. FOR BOTH OF YOU. And I was left with NOTHING. No part of this was of my OWN DEVICE. IT SIMPLY FOLLOWED LOGICALLY that you would CONSENT to give her WHAT SHE NEEDED. You HAD no choice. It was YOUR DEBT to the BOTH of us. And SHE FORGAVE YOU. That CUNT. How DARE YOU to cast doubt on my intentions when your hands are stained in blood?! How DARE You to accuse me of a personal vendetta or a self-interested agenda when you FUCKING WALKED AWAY. And when she FUCKING WALKED AWAY, from ME, and back TO YOU? As though you had the RIGHT to refuse her?! As though you had the RIGHT to BETRAY me?! As though either of you had the RIGHT TO WIN, when *I* was made the LOSER?! I NEVER AGREED TO THIS. It was YOU that agreed to join the BAND. It was SHE that AGREED to meet me. And MUSIC was ALL that could have made it happen. NEITHER of you is ENTITLED to your Stoicism and Ambivalence. I will not tolerate your antipathy towards me. I will not be ACCUSED of SELF-INTEREST by the two most parasitic NARCISSISTS I have ever laid eyes upon!! I did it all for you and I was LEFT WITH NOTHING. And you uphold no moral by which my sorrow might be justified and my Soul put on Trial; you answer to no one. Now it is YOUR Soul that is on Trial, for I remain here today: a virgin, innocent, at liberty (at long last) to judge of the SINS of which I’d all ways tried to warn you but never IMAGINED I would be a victim. You have no authority, and NO right to refuse me. She had no right to forgive you. And I have no obligation to.

The greatest irony of this is that I KNOW that you would NOT have tolerated this, were you in my situation. But you never will be. I would NEVER do what YOU did. And you have no right remaining to ABUSE the name of REASON by whatever dim stretch of an analogy you can make in your further attempts to vindicate injury with insult. You would not have preferred it. You would not have tolerated it. If you had “accepted” it you only would have imitated it and thereby lost all dignity. That is not tolerance. So how can you stand against yourself? What vile schizophrenia must possess your drug-addled mind to treat ME as any thing separate from yourself. You really must hate yourself to treat me this way. And don’t pretend that I am not an extension of you. I was only ever an attempt at gaining power. That I can never forgive.

Dm.A.A.