In the Right Light:

THE VISION:

Suppose, for just one moment, that there is a beam of light within my Mother’s bedroom. And my mother sits and types at her computer. And I’m sitting in the corner, right between two rather massive cabinets full of clothes, upon a tiny footstool that I’ve known since I was very young. And the light: it shines upon me. Mother does not see it, because she is busy; only someone sitting where I’m sitting at this moment truly Knows the Light. If she looked up, then she might see my face illuminated. But she would not know from whence the light came. If she has either humility or common sense she might infer that somewhere in this room there is an aperture through which the Sun is shining, and that any one who sits where I am sitting at this moment SEES it. She might even ask for me to move that she might see it. I might choose, though, to stay seated, for the Light might change, and if it changes I don’t want to miss it. It’s not that I am so special, for having seen it first, that I alone deserve to see the Light and thus to see it change. But if I were to move and in the time it took for her to take a seat it were to change, she might see something that’s entirely different from what I saw. Perhaps I saw a golden light, but she perceived a green light. Maybe I know that it has turned green because now her own face is coloured green, though I can’t know for sure, since it is not impossible that my own face might have been coloured green by golden light; colour is still a mystery to me.

She might dismiss the matter altogether, if she lacks humility and common sense, by pretending that the glow came just from me. But even a scientifically inquisitive mind, bent on firsthand experience, might find it hard to be objective. We might produce entirely different inferences about the Nature of the Cause, even if we both perceive the Cause Itself. A more dogmatic mother would presume that I’m the cause, that I am glowing of my own accord, and that I don’t REFLECT a Light that came from Heaven (so to speak). In that case, only I would see the Light For What It Is, as demonstrated by the nature of the hole in the ceiling. But even if both of us were to pursue the light by paying close attention to its Source, we might disagree about its Nature. Mother then might deny my account entirely, or she might choose to forget ever having SEEN the Light, so that I would not compel her testimony to corroborate my own. All things considered, however, this would be a disservice on her part, and I would not allow myself to repeat it. I could not stop her from defaming my account or from denying memory of the event, but at the very least I might maintain that I Know What I Know. So long as I am compassionate to those who DON’T know, all is well, and someday I might share with them My Vision.

Now: suppose that Light were God’s Own Truth. Suppose it’s like the pink light from Philip K. Dick’s books, or perhaps even the light that sailors saw at sea. Obviously, simply SEEING it would all ready have been a plus, perhaps of infinitely surpassing value. And even if I might never be able to express God’s Truth to those around me, at the very least I might live in accordance with it, pardoning them for mishearing me each time their ears were seduced by the Devil.

Not every image is a mirror. Our society suffers from such an excess of extraversion that we’ve forgotten to think in Images. We still DO think in images, but we’ve come to rely upon words. Hence I am confined to words in the expression of my Inner Eye. And if my words seem laughable, it only serves as testament to how misleading words can be once they’ve become clichés.

The words themselves are powerful, but much of their meaning is now gone. Words have been made into idioms, and idioms are assigned to images. The images we have now are of people, and our attitude towards people is dualistic. A person who uses a given political idiom, even if only by chance, is affiliated by the Tribal Mind with a political party, usually one of two, or several sets of two. To use a single set of words might render one’s identity within the pack: in-group or out-group, liberal or conservative, black or white, radical or moderate, ignorant or informed. Sometimes, the prejudices of any one observer might all ready have assigned a great deal of these arbitrary projections to the speaker, so much so that if the speaker were to say one word that is forbidden for him to say then he is considered a threat not only to those who are ALLOWED to say it (usually with their own twist, as one has come to expect) but all so to all of CIILIZED society.

I like Civilized Society. It’s a neat concept. But it’s not to be confused, as these people do, with the status quo. Rather, the entire preservation of the Civilizing Instinct, as well as its consummation in the Utopian Vision of a Truly Civilized Human Being, is every reason to defy the status quo.

I’m sure you follow what I mean so far. But if not, do read on at any rate. And rest assured I know that this attempt to level with you is no more than an aesthetic conceit, as most leveling is.

The truth is that most people I’ve encountered do not think as I do – that is, rationally. When they are COMPELLED to think as I do, they’re afraid to be made to “conform to someone else’s will”. Sometimes, if I can keep my distance, then they are impressed with me. But they are nonetheless intimidated, and somehow it does not bother them to leave me all alone with my convictions.

Can you blame me for my condescension then? People have yet to prove me wrong, and I have yet to find that sort of solidarity I seek that could make me feel I am in the company of Equals.

Every moment I stand in the Light I see things fed to me From Up Above that seem like madness if translated into language. I see things in Images, as all Visionaries do, imminently. I’ve told you: not all images are mirrors. Often when the individual finds fault with people it is by avenue of Projection. The Evil is within one’s self, in those cases, to a degree no less (and often more) than it is in the Other. My Father suffers from such projections; I have been their target often. I have no reason to say, therefore, that I project upon my Father. What I see in him that’s troubling is simply evidenced by my experience. Experience is cheap, but it’s effective in resolving fleeting moments of discord.

It would seem arrogant, again, to say that when I hear him speak of matters callously I know WHY he is wrong about them. To the narcissistic critic (who’s dismissed all ready ALL of my own Life Experience) it appears that I begin here by presuming upon my own righteousness, inferring from it the integrity of my position, and seeking reasons to explain why others do not hold the same position, finding fault with them without allowing them to find fault with me, or perhaps escaping criticism by keeping it a secret from them, priding myself in my tact, so that should I be met with criticism BY them I might call them the aggressors whilst I simply keep my peace.

I’m not so passive-aggressive, as it would turn out. Plenty of times I’ve had to tell people off, hoping I would help them to resolve a matter that they all ready had set out to resolve. And just as many times I’ve been dismissed. If you cannot hold a civil conversation with someone, you must conclude that you are Right. That must be Enlightenment: to be a Light unto one’s Self and Others. Leastwise, it’s to reflect it where one finds It.

Dm.A.A.