I guess all I can say is this: that the very existence of a mental health institution renders it ironic that paranoia and cynicism are regarded by it as symptoms of ill health, since the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that the entirety of adult human life is a struggle to survive within an authoritarian bureaucracy of which absolutely every single human being is a participant, whose primary function is to determine which genes are worthy of enduring expression in the human genome, a principle which is so pervasive throughout human psychology that it even determines who is or is not allowed socially to feel certain emotions which are both intrinsic to the mind-body and reinforced and normalized by social trends.
Furthermore, the simple exposure of the existence of such a system in itself produces directly social anomie, alienation, and eventually legal retribution, since it is presumed that only those who are unworthy of the survival of either their bodies or their genes would become so afflicted with the consequences of social alienation that they might even find the motivation to conceive of such a bureaucracy, whose operations are only visible from the underside by those who are disadvantaged by it.
So that’s been on my mind for the last ten years of my life, fairly consistently, though I have tried to put it from my mind by leisurely escapes into such disciplines such as spirituality and artistry, both of which were produced by the same machine in order to keep those people who were social rejects in a passive state of neurotic complacency, resolved to their fate as designated non-breeders. This message is in itself an example of this.
Do understand: up until this point, I have maintained a feeble but enduring hope of transcendence by appeal to the existence of universal principles, anticipating my induction into a society of rational adults who were unified in unequivocal agreement in all matters pertaining to the human condition, among whom would be my romantic partner and my business associates, not one of whom would think to assail my character or to question my rightful position in the World. I contented myself in the knowledge of the fact that most people never matured past the adolescent psychological state, but given that this rung of development lay clinically beneath both the spirit and the word of the Law I knew that I had the True Authorities on my side: an oligarchy of enlightened men and women whose principles I had adhered to since birth.
Yet what if it should be discovered that no such oligarchy has existed to preserve the timelessness of human dignity? Would it be possible to live with the knowledge that one year I would hold different convictions than the next, though all of them had been decided by some impersonal force tantamount to mob rule? How can a mind tolerate such an internal contradiction when any semblance of external contradiction is met with such ruthless ridicule by one’s fellows? It is impossible to imagine adapting to the constant flow of trends in both fashion and ideology; one’s only hope in transcending such a state rests in the attempt to conceive of this flow as a whole: a unified and calculated conspiracy. I had imagined Society to be a functional meritocracy wherein any rational man can attest to his own worth and the integrity of his own feelings. But I was arrogant to believe that my own feelings carried any value whatsoever. This was made clear to me, time and time again, by those whom I have regarded with the greatest affection. Artistry was simply a form of absurd protest: an attempt to salvage that childish state wherein emotion is a universal birth-right. Even in writing this, I feel your condescending gaze, frowning upon my infantile narcissism.
Dm.A.A.
No comments:
Post a Comment