The Sparing of the Ego: Eros and Egos.

The Sparing of the Ego: Eros and Egos.

The dream took me on an other trip. There were several cohorts I was teamed with. I liked all of them, even if only some of them were trustworthy. We must have been busy selling houses or something. If a house represents an ego, that means that we were selling people things they did not need. But there is a mythological imperative to pardon the ego and to spare its life. This feels appropriate to the Leo season. My dreams of late have been more and more like Jung's dreams. He was of course himself a Leo, as mentioned previously in this log. It seems that the dreamscape is suffused with an elaborate narrative and a childlike Eros. It is unsettlingly sweet, as though foul play were at hand. Perhaps this is how most people feel when presented with love. I must be cautious in my manner of expression.

I wish that I could recall more with immediacy. All that I can say is that the Game Goes On. Perhaps I played music; perhaps I performed theatre. Why did I do any of these things? I could not by doing it persuade the rationalists and the yogis that I had been slighted by the simple exercise of an alien will. But that is all that pain ever was.

I shed the compulsion to act heroically. Like Jung I have made a transition from Hero to an other archetype. Yet it is one I cannot recognize. Will the Oracle do so?

I am not a coward. I am simply living in times that only pretend to reward courage. The soldier is revered in a pack. He is condemned when he goes AWOL. The individual is finished.

So be it. I will thrive in solitude. I know my love is great but not even my would-be lover is ready for it. And so I shall not act self-entitled. Tender are my feelings and intense are my hopes. But I shall not look to the immediate past for relevance in feeding my addictions. I will only be met with disappointment or temporary hope and relief that way. I best not delude myself that it is otherwise. Yet I surrender not my hopes. I continue to give. I grovel not before sheer fact. This is my entire erotic project.

Dm.A.A.