A Tale of Vanity:

MASTER: “I guess what I’m a saying is there ain’t no better reason

To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the season…”

STUDENT: You see, that’s what you don’t do. You never rid yourself of vanities.

MASTER: Hm. Well. Doesn’t it say in your religion that you’re not supposed to judge me?

STUDENT: What do you mean?

MASTER: The log-in-your-own-eye routine. Don’t point out the sawdust in your neighbour’s eye until you have removed the LOG in yours.

STUDENT: Well. Isn’t that what YOU’RE doing?

MASTER: Only if I have a log in my eye.

STUDENT: You do.

MASTER: You see: here’s the problem with your religion. And let me point out clearly why you’re violating your own ethic, why *I* am not, and why it wouldn’t even matter if I DID.

STUDENT: Okay…

MASTER: First: you’ve done nothing to uphold your ethic. By leveling with me you have only judged me yet again and violated it that much further.

STUDENT: But YOU violated it FIRST!

MASTER: ACTUALLY I did NOT. Because you judged me. I was but singing a song.

STUDENT: But you ALL WAYS judge me.

MASTER: And it’s because of situations just like this. You see, those other times are history, but you carry them around as prejudices. So you bring this down upon yourself.

STUDENT: So what’s your point?

MASTER: No one can judge you except God, according to your ethic. But it’s YOUR God. And the moment some one tries to step in for your God and judges you, YOU take the role of Jesus, condemning them for the logs in their eyes as though YOU were the Perfect Man.

STUDENT: And you don’t do that?

MASTER: Well: it doesn’t MATTER that I do that. And here’s why: this is YOUR ETHIC. MINE is secular.

STUDENT: Explain.

MASTER: In YOUR world, you can judge people all day for EVERY thing. And you do, more or less. At least you judge them for your own shortcomings. And I notice these shortcomings IN you, and I try to straighten them out for you, but instead of THANKING me for all my insight and the chance to be a better person you get aggressive.

STUDENT: HOW?

MASTER: You judge me for judging you. Because your ethic forbids it. Though you ignore the fact that it forbids you judging me.

STUDENT: Because only GOD can do that?

MASTER: TECHNICALLY only CHRIST can do that. But it’s the same principle.

STUDENT: Okay…

MASTER: And you don’t ONLY judge me for that. Because left to your own devices, in the absence of a Third Party Impartial Judge (which, theoretically, is all ways Present, because He is OMNI-Present, but not from MY perspective) you judge me for EVERY thing that’s your own fault. And I can’t even use your own ethic against you, judging you for judging ME, because then YOU judge me for judging YOU for judging me.

STUDENT: But you just said that you are not SUPPOSED to judge me for judging you!

MASTER: And yet even now it is YOU that are judging me for doing that.

[Pause.]

And even now you forget that this is NOT MY ETHIC.

STUDENT: So what IS your ethic then?

MASTER: My ethic is simple: judge because it’s practical. Back up your judgements. Do not be a bitch. And if somebody judges you, then prove that person WRONG before you try to judge him back.

STUDENT: But WHY?

MASTER: Because you have a lot of vanities of your OWN. And until you clear your name of them I won’t take YOUR offenses seriously. Except in so far as they are serious offenses.

STUDENT: So you DO judge me. Just quietly!

MASTER: And based on prejudice. And yet it’s funny that I manage to keep them to myself, usually, waiting for you just figure them out.

STUDENT: Well: I can tell.

MASTER: No, you can’t. Because *I* can tell. I am gifted in the art of empathy, and I can tell when some one else is not.

STUDENT: SEE? There you go again!

MASTER: And yet you brought it on yourself. I wasn’t singing that song just to tell you to rid yourself of vanities. I simply sang it for fun. It was YOU that were upset by it, and you took out your own insecurities upon me. So YOU judged ME. YOU violated your own ethic. But I managed not to violate EITHER ethic. You could say I was judging you quietly, but then YOU will have judged my Soul and not my Actions, a much worse offense. And even then I will have upheld my own principles. At any rate, in PRACTICE it was YOU who attacked me. And so I met YOUR ethic as well, at least until you chose to violate it and give it up as a bad job. And I acquiesced.

STUDENT: I did not GIVE IT UP AS A BAD JOB.

MASTER: Then you simply failed. Own up to that next time. Because like I said: you have plenty of vanities. Get rid of those before you try to get rid of mine. It’s what your ethic’s all about.

STUDENT: But you haven’t yet told me YOUR ethic.

MASTER: Mine is one of constructive criticism. I’ve demonstrated it. I do not wait for God or Christ to correct me; it is arrogant to presume that they love me and have time to do that. But I do not beat myself up either. I wait for people to judge me. That I might improve. As YOU should. But once I’ve seen that you REFUSE to improve, your judgements are void. I’d rather seek counsel from a man with some degree of accountability.

Dm.A.A.