Alanna's Last Letters:

It must be the cosmos that prompt me. It was upon the nineteenth of this month that I decided to break my vow of silence and to publish this letter, only to find that it was merely two days prior to the anniversary of its Being-sent. This all so happens to be the day that I felt inspired to write about my ex of seven years, (not the same person who wrote this letter, by a damn sight) serendipitously and as though possessed.

Since the vow was to myself and to none other, I feel inspired to break it now:

I love you but do not want to love you anymore.

I know this hurts. I cannot handle the virtue of love. I have been called upon to be your lover but cannot accept the virtuous task. My spirit is too weak.

Only you can reconcile this.

Only you can release this bond. I ask of you that you sever these ties and free us both.

Free me from this prison of love.

Zero out my debts. Forgive me and absolve me of my sins.

If you are God, if you are Jesus Christ, I ask of you that you take my sins upon yourself because it is what you are here for.

I have worshipped you in silence, sometimes spoken. I have rebelled. I, lucifer, could not help it.

It is my nature.

Please accept this nature that I cannot resolve. Only temporarily can I see truth and reason.

Otherwise I must be free to live in my illusions.

You cannot save me in the way you wished to, and I cannot save you. We must only save ourselves from each other and each other from ourselves.

This is so important to me Dmitry. It means more than anything. More than music. More than life itself.

Let me go. Resolve our love for each other.

I will never live up to your standards. You wish impossible things. You wished perfection upon an imperfect being. I know you are perfect, but I cannot be.

And I can never be satisfied in your light.

I cannot speak with you anymore. I can't. 

I am broken and can only be healed and freed if you sever the bonds you have with me. Our spirits and fates can be unwoven, but only you have the strength.

But please do it carefully!!! I am fragile, as I said in the first email.

This is the last I can send you, lest I burn up.

You are right. I am nothing without you.

So be with me in resolution. Let me go in peace. Then we can both finally feel the light of love.

I will be with you forever this way. I will finally accept you into my heart in unspoken unity with a silent vow.

And I will wish you well with the clearest and truest voice.

And I will value and cherish this vow forever.

This may seem like departure or separation, but I assure you that it is not. It is the truest unification. It is fulfillment of destiny. Finally we allow peace to resume.

After our song has played.

Thank you for the beautiful song, Dmytri. I said that I would repay you or that I would return one day. I do not wish this, and I would rather you settle my debts and pay for my sins despite my unworthiness. Because only you can do this. Only you. You are a gift to the universe and a gift to me.

I release you, and I hope you will now do the same.

In fact, more than hope, I plead.

Again, I am sorry. I was wrong, and I admit my faults.

I ask you to let me free anyway.

Good night and good bye.

I have endless love and faith in your goodness, and this purity and goodness is why I fell in love with you in the first place. Your altruism and kindness. Allowing me freedom would be the most exquisite and truest and purest expression of the Dmitry I love.

So good bye.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

I don't like tapeworm's voice either. He has awful pitch and no natural musical ear.

I like almost nobody's voice.

I highly doubt tapeworm will be successful of his own accord. I don't worry about it.

When you say you will be successful, I believe you.

Oh, Alanna.

Where others would use those words to moralize, manipulate and even subtly taunt, they are to my ear the tones of heart-strings played by an angel.

With love,

Dmytri.

Dm.A.A.

[770 words exactly in MS Word, without prior planning. If synchronicity is a Hero's Journey, this is the Apotheosis. If it is a Kundalini Awakening, this is the Beatific Vision and the Opening of the Crown, all in one. Dm.A.A.]