Bipolarity is not a genetic disease. Matter
of fact: it’s not even a disease! It’s a TOTALLY LOGICAL response. Supposing
that, for instance, you were a twenty-six-year-old Virgin. Now SUPPOSEDLY it’s
still a little early to be getting married, so the Virginity makes sense. But
you have friends who brag about having penetrated people in their TEENS. So you
are curious. You meet some girl online (you’ve been single for seven years now,
proudly, and of course people in person are extremely hard to come by nowadays)
and for four months or so: things go great! But then you invite her to meet
with you. You are willing to spend your next paycheck on a train up to Los
Angeles from San Diego. So you send her
a letter telling her you pardon the offense to your psyche and professing your
love for her poetically. (As though the gifts – the Art Dedicated to her, the
frequent compliments, etc. – were not all ready enough to make it clear.) She has not blocked you, so you know that you
still have a great shot with her. And this girl’s GORGEOUS. I mean: she is
clearly one of the finest catches in the entire City of Angels, and it looks as
though of all her suitors you are the most adamant to Catch this Angel.
You step outside and you feel what Friedrich
Nietzsche must have felt when he wrote the Birth of Tragedy: COLLOSSAL. Your
Spirit seems to have expanded to the point it popped and merged with the
Overmind that the Romantics and the Transcendentalists had spoken of. At long
last! God will repay you for all of the long years of loneliness, deception,
humiliation, deprecation, resentment, jealousy, envy, and sexual frustration!
You will not only KNOW how it FEELS to penetrate female flesh! (Never again to
sit in puzzled wonder at the sight of men who allow themselves to be teased as
though it were not actual torture but rather reminiscent of fair times.) You
will have found a WIFE, the most beautiful this side of the Napa Valley! This
is the culmination of years of research into Spirituality, of amassing
beneficent karma entirely of one’s own good will, for back then you were not
even TRYING to accumulate good karma but to escape it via the path of the yogi,
and NOW that you’ve amassed GOOD karma of your own spontaneous good nature (and
devoid of ego), you shall collect the rewards!
Of course the man who sets out on his evening
stroll will find his hour and a half well spent. The hills will become
transmuted as though by some alchemical Shamanic ritual. Colours will swim into
one an other and come ALIVE in orgiastic bliss. The second chakra (which of
course governs sexuality) shall align with the Third Eye, and one will be
swimming in nothing less than the Beatific Vision!
Is this mania? NO. Because surely this is how
every man feels when he is offered an invitation to sex by a gorgeous woman.
The virgin knows that adults speak of sex in casual tones only to mask the embarrassment
of emotional vulnerability. Why else would they fixate upon it were it not one
of the Greatest and Most Rewarding Birthrights? And is it not all so the most
severe form of punishment when withheld?
Sexuality was all ways a Religious
Experience, hence Terence McKenna said that to conceive of someone never having
done psychedelic drugs was tantamount to his mind to someone never having had a
“sexual experience”.
And then one gets home. And one comes down
from the ecstasy.
Picasso’s wild, Cubistic jazz has come to an
end, and now one enters the Blue Period. The gray tones of banality and
monotony are interrupted only by the searing, blinding tones of sapphire blue,
cutting into one’s Soul as diamonds do.
She is not that into you. She finds you
creepy. She finds you desperate. Yada yada yada…
Saturn has conquered Jupiter. Life has come
to an end.
But what of all the patrons at the bar?
The gossip artists on the internet?
The posters on the social network sites?
Were they just fronting? We are told that
every single human being goes through the same things, that we are punished for
our condescension only because we are no better and no worse than any one else.
So could it be that any one has had sex even
on this day, a day that died with just a few trite words that not even the most
delusional imagination could TWIST into affirmation?
And were we delusional?! How is it DELUSIONAL
to trust the bragging men at the bar, the subtle women behind the counter, the
pages upon pages of text by sex experts?
Why was one bold to believe it to begin
with??
Every one who has ever rejected him told him,
with ASSURANCE, that he would FIND THE ONE someday. That there was nothing
wrong with him, and to disregard the narcissists who said otherwise. And even
the NARCISSISTS had sexual experiences!!
Even when he sought refuge in the fact that
Freud was wrong his crush’s best friend TEASED him that he wasn’t getting any,
as though that were HIS fault and not hers! But has the WILL not been there?
Has the MOTIVATION not been there as well?!
And what of all the women who said “no”.
What DISEASE a girl must have! Surely they
all are like that suicidal narcissist who would not have sex because she’d
burnt her ankle on accident.
If we all suffer equally, are they not
GRATEFUL to be loved by ANY one? And does his desperation not mirror their own?
To transcend one’s loneliness: that is all that ANY person wants. RIGHT?!?
Wave not thy gory locks at me, then. I am not
crazy.
Unless we were really living in the
Nineteenth Century still.
And in that case, I do apologize I have no
home to take you in.
Nor that I have neither horse nor carriage to
bear thee home with me.
Or that my manners are worthy of slander.
But if I am willing to take you without a
dowry:
You should probably hop on my back.
Because you KNOW I’ll carry you, however long
it takes, from Los Angeles back down to fucking San Diego.
Dm.A.A.
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